A Counselor's View of the Key Ingredients for a Dream Job

 

A Counselor's View of the Key Ingredients for a Dream Job

Don’t aim for low stress... Passion is not enough!

by

Antonis Antoniou

 

When considering what to aim for in a dream job, it’s essential to find a balance between various factors that contribute to job satisfaction and overall fulfillment. Here’s a summary of a recent survey about the key ingredients to look for:

 

Engaging Work: Seek work that captivates your attention and allows you to enter a state of flow. This includes having autonomy, clear tasks, variety, and feedback.

Helping Others: Choose a career that contributes positively to the lives of others, as this has been shown to significantly increase life satisfaction.

Utilizing Your Skills: Aim for a job where you can excel and feel a sense of achievement, which is crucial for job satisfaction.

Supportive Colleagues: Work with people who offer support and constructive feedback, even if they have different viewpoints.

Minimal Negatives: Avoid jobs with major downsides, such as long commutes, excessive hours, unfair pay, or job insecurity.

Work-Life Harmony: Ensure your job aligns with your personal life and allows you to pursue other fulfilling activities.

 

Regarding the advice to “follow your passion,” it’s important to approach this with nuance. While passion can lead to a highly satisfying career, it’s not the only factor. It’s also vital to consider your skills, the market demand for your passion, and how it fits into the broader context of your life. A fulfilling career often involves a combination of passion, skill, and practical considerations that together create a sustainable and satisfying work life. Remember, the ultimate goal is to find work that is not only enjoyable but also contributes to a well-rounded, fulfilling life.

 

The notion that passion alone is sufficient for career satisfaction is misleading. Even if you have a deep interest in your work, lacking the six key elements of job fulfillment will likely lead to dissatisfaction. For instance, a basketball enthusiast may secure a job related to the sport, but if they detest their coworkers, feel their compensation is unjust, or find the work unfulfilling, they will still be unhappy in their role.

 

Moreover, the concept of “following your passion” can complicate the pursuit of these six elements, particularly in highly competitive fields where securing a desirable position is more challenging. Another issue arises when individuals don’t possess a clear career-related passion. Advising them to follow their passion can result in feelings of inadequacy. However, it’s important to remember that it’s possible to develop a passion for your work over time.

 

Additionally, adhering strictly to the idea of a singular passion can unnecessarily restrict one’s career choices. For example, someone with an interest in literature might prematurely conclude that writing is the only fulfilling career path, overlooking other viable options. It’s also common to mistakenly believe that a true passion will be immediately evident, leading to the dismissal of potentially satisfying opportunities.

 

Passion can evolve in new domains. If your job involves helping others, honing your skills, engaging in stimulating tasks and collaborating with likable colleagues, passion is likely to follow. The six ingredients focus on the work environment rather than the job itself. Many counselors, for instance, may not have initially envisioned a passion for career advising, yet find themselves deeply invested in the field.

 

Successful individuals often develop their passion as they progress in their careers, rather than it being the initial driving force. Steve Jobs, for example, initially entered the tech industry for financial gain, but his passion grew with his success, leading him to become an iconic figure advocating for work he loved.

 

Interests are fluid and can change more frequently than we anticipate. Reflecting on your primary interests from five years ago may reveal a shift in what captivates you now. Furthermore, our predictions about what will bring us happiness are often inaccurate. This suggests that there are broader possibilities for a fulfilling career than one might initially believe.

 

My dear friends, passion by itself is not enough, and at the same time don’t go out looking for the lowest-stress job… you will be bored!

 

Look for an engaging job that helps others, one that utilizes your skills and surrounds you with supportive and positive colleagues. Furthermore, find your work-life balance because, at the end of the day, the ones who will know about those hundreds of hours of overtime will be your kids!

Dreamwork: What do I need to know as a Counselor about helping for a career?

by 

Antonis Antoniou

What major shall I choose? What career to pursue? What my job will be? I will guide you in this article based on a huge study that was made in the US and adopt as much as possible to what applies in our country.

 

To find a dream job, look for:

1.        Work you’re good at.

2.        Work that helps others.

3.        Supportive conditions: engaging work that lets you enter a state of flow, supportive colleagues, lack of major negatives like unfair pay, and work that fits your personal life.

 

The usual way people try to work out their dream job is to imagine different jobs and think about how satisfying they seem. Or they think about times they’ve felt fulfilled in the past and self-reflect about what matters most to them. Isn’t that a question almost all Counselors ask?

 

If this were a normal career guide, we’d start by getting the students to write down a list of what they most want from a job, like “working outdoors” and “working with ambitious people.” The bestselling career advice book of all time, What Color is Your Parachute, recommends exactly this. The hope is that, deep down, people know what they want.

 

However, the latest research shows that although self-reflection is useful, it only goes so far. You can probably think of times in your own life when you were excited about a holiday or party but when it happened, it was just OK. In the last few decades, research has shown that this is very common: we’re not always great at predicting what will make us most happy, and we don’t realize how bad we are. I have noticed that for some years, many students who study abroad return to Cyprus before finishing their degree. Why? They are studying abroad for a year or two, realize they can’t continue and start over again, mostly in private Universities. Most of the time in a different major. Why?

 

It turns out we’re even bad at remembering how satisfying different experiences were. One well-established mistake is that we often judge experiences mainly by their endings. Let me give you an example. If you missed your flight on the last day of an enjoyable holiday, you’ll probably remember the holiday as bad. Right?

 

The fact that we often judge the pleasure of an experience by its ending can cause us to make some curious choices. This means we can’t just trust our intuitions; we need a more systematic way of working out which job is best for us.

 

The same research that proves how bad we are at self-reflection can help us make more informed choices. We now have three decades of research into positive psychology -  the science of happiness - as well as decades of research into motivation and job satisfaction. I will try to summarize the main lessons of this research and explain what it means to find a fulfilling job.

Two commonly overvalued objectives for a satisfying career are:

·       High Salary: The pursuit of a well-compensated position.

·       Ease of Work: The desire for a low-stress job environment.

 

In 2015, CareerCast, a prominent job ranking platform in the US, evaluated professions based on criteria such as current and future salary prospects, stress levels, and work environment quality. According to their assessment, the role of an actuary - professionals who apply statistical methods to assess and manage risk, primarily in the insurance sector - was deemed the best job.

 

While actuaries generally report higher job satisfaction compared to the average, they do not rank among the most contented workers. Only 36% find their work to be meaningful, indicating that being an actuary may not be exceptionally rewarding. The CareerCast rankings, therefore, do not encapsulate the full picture. Evidence suggests that financial compensation and stress avoidance are not as crucial as often presumed.

 

The Paradox of Money and Happiness: The adage “money can’t buy happiness” contrasts with the common priority of higher pay when job hunting. When questioned about life improvements, more money is frequently the go-to answer.

 

The quality of research on this topic varies, but comprehensive economic studies provide a clearer picture. The consensus is that while money contributes to happiness, its impact is modest.

 

For instance, an increase in pre-tax income from 40,000 to 80,000 in the US correlates with a slight uptick in life satisfaction, from roughly 6.5 to 7 on a 10-point scale - a significant income boost for a marginal gain in happiness.

 

This finding aligns with anecdotal evidence of high earners who are nonetheless unhappy. Moreover, when considering daily well-being, income’s significance dwindles further. “Positive affect” - the feeling of happiness on the previous day - plateaus around 50,000, indicating no further correlation with everyday joy beyond this income level.

 

Similarly, the percentages of individuals reporting the absence of sadness or stress also show no significant increase past a certain income threshold. Recent findings suggest that daily happiness does rise with income, surpassing the $90,000 mark annually. However, this increase in daily happiness is less pronounced compared to overall life satisfaction. In a review of his earlier research, Kahneman observed a high frequency of near-maximum happiness ratings, which may have led to an apparent leveling off in the happiness-income graph, despite actual gains in happiness.

 

The connection between income and happiness could also be influenced by a third variable. For instance, good health might simultaneously boost happiness and earning potential. If this holds, then the actual impact of additional income on happiness is likely weaker than what the direct correlation implies. To put it into perspective, a household income of $90,000 is roughly equivalent to a single person’s income of $48,000 without dependents. To adjust these figures for personal circumstances, consider the following, all before taxes:

 

The $48,000 benchmark from 2009 (initial study) would be closer to $68,000 in 2024 due to inflation.

Add $25,000 for each non-working dependent you fully support.

Increase by 50% if residing in a costly city like New York or San Francisco, or decrease by 30% if living in a more affordable area such as rural Tennessee. Online resources are available for precise cost-of-living calculations.

Adjust upwards if you are particularly driven by financial incentives, or downwards if you prefer a more economical lifestyle.

Include an additional 15% to enable retirement savings or the amount you need to sustain your desired standard of living post-retirement.

 

As of 2023, the average college graduate in the United States is projected to earn about $77,000 annually throughout their career, while an Ivy League graduate might expect over $120,000. Consequently, if you’re a college graduate in the US or a comparable country, you’ll likely reach an income level where further increases have minimal impact on your happiness.

 

At the same time in Cyprus if we compare the rent prices and average utilities a third of that amount applies. So basically, we are talking about a $25,000 income and the Ivy League rule doesn’t apply. At the same time, the cost of dining out comes relatively close to the one of the States. That lays more pressure on the household income.

 

Are we happier in Cyprus? No need to answer. The questions to answer are simple. What work are you good at? Does that work help others? Will you find supportive conditions? Salary and easiness need to be evaluated at a second level. At this level aim for a good starting salary with a prospect.

Choose wisely!

 

Navigating Your Professional Journey

 Navigating Your Professional Journey

Choosing a Career

By

Antonis Antoniou

 

Do you puzzle what to do in life?

Are you undecided about the career path you are about to follow?

 

Money isn’t everything. Passion isn’t everything.

 

Envision the day of your retirement, having dedicated nearly 35 years to your profession. That’s about 420 months, over 9,000 days, and roughly 74,000 hours.

 

Pause only for a moment and picture this uplifting scenario: you’re at the culmination of your 74,000-hour professional journey. You’re celebrating your retirement and reflecting on the past.

 

What might be your regrets? Maybe you followed the path of least resistance or walked in your parents’ footsteps. You might have amassed wealth, owned a beautiful home, and driven a luxury car, yet you ponder the ultimate purpose of it all.

 

Now, consider a different path where your lifelong efforts saved the lives of 500 children. Would you harbor any regrets then? For a truly rewarding life, we must look beyond ourselves. Instead of asking, “What’s my passion?”, we should wonder, “How can I make a significant impact on the world?” Our privileged positions enable us to make a substantial difference in others’ lives, often with minimal sacrifice to our own, leading to both a more impactful and fulfilling career.

 

As a School Counselor for more than 60000 hours here’s my advice to you: To lead a meaningful career, focus on contributing. Fulfillment doesn’t come from sudden revelations about passion; it develops as you discover your niche, hone your skills, and use them to benefit others.

 

To make a difference, cultivate valuable skills, and address significant issues. Concentrate on these three pivotal phases over time:

 

Exploration: Delve into your uncertainties to uncover optimal paths, rather than relying on instinct or making premature decisions. Prioritize this exploration until you’re confident enough to commit to a long-term direction.

Skill Acquisition: Aim to excel in your field. Seek roles that enhance your abilities, reputation, network, and character, and propel you toward your goals, while also investing in personal growth. Continue until you’ve maximized self-improvement opportunities. Then, leverage your accumulated ‘career capital’ to…

Implementation: Utilize your career capital to aid others effectively. Concentrate on addressing critical societal issues that are extensive, overlooked, and solvable.

 

To maximize your impact on these challenges, adopt a broad perspective: consider careers in research, communication, community engagement, organizational development, governance, policymaking, or philanthropy, as well as direct service roles. Prioritize paths that align well with your abilities.

 

While many attempts to assist others may not succeed, the most effective ones can be incredibly impactful, so aim high. Remember, you can make a significant difference in any role.

 

As you progress, continually refine your strategy to find the best fit for you. Approach it scientifically: hypothesize, identify uncertainties, and explore them. Formulate a long-term vision but focus intently on identifying the optimal next step. Avoid roles that cause harm, even if they seem impactful. By consistently learning and enhancing your skills, you’ll progressively build a more rewarding career.

 

Foster a sense of community and cast a wide net when applying for jobs, including ambitious and safe options, to increase your chances of success.

 

Together, we have the power to prevent future pandemics, mitigate AI risks, eradicate extreme poverty, end factory farming, and lead enriching lives in the process. Let’s make it happen.

 

You have 74,000 hours in your career. Make every hour count. Start now. Choose with intention!

Don’t waste time.

Start today.

Choose wisely!

Adolescent Development and Cognitive Transformations through REBT

 Adolescent Development and Cognitive Transformations through REBT

by 

Antonis Antoniou

Lifelong Learning. Adolescent Development and Cognitive Transformations through REBT. This is what we covered the first day. It was more of a reminder to see if we knew the theory. The subject revolved around adolescents. It was mostly about the young individuals displaying issues in social, emotional, behavioral, and academic areas often exhibiting developmental lags in their ability to process affective-interpersonal matters with reason and logic.

Challenges such as maintaining perspective, internalizing negative occurrences, and cultivating emotional regulation skills like relaxation or seeking support are common. These adolescents are frequently influenced by a large spectrum of illogical thoughts, including tendencies to belittle themselves, a low threshold for frustration, and an inability to accept others.

When confronted with challenging situations, these young people may regress to a mode of thinking reminiscent of an earlier developmental stage known as the pre-concrete operational phase. This mode of thought is marked by:

Arbitrary Inferences: Drawing conclusions that lack evidence or contradict available proof.

Selective Abstraction: Concentrating on isolated details while overlooking the broader context.

Magnification/Minimization: Misjudging the importance of events.

Personalization: Associating unrelated external events with oneself without justification.

Overgeneralization: Forming broad conclusions from specific, isolated incidents.

Dichotomous Thinking: Categorizing experiences into binary opposites, like good or bad.

The proposed approach involves employing Rational Theory. According to rational-emotive behavior theory, the root of emotional and behavioral difficulties in children and adolescents lies in their adherence to irrational and absolute beliefs (such as ‘shoulds’, ‘oughts’, ‘musts’, and ‘needs’). For instance:

“I must achieve success.”

“I require love and approval.”

“The world should fulfill my desires easily and promptly.”

“People ought to treat me with fairness and consideration.”

Challenging these beliefs, encouraging adolescents to listen to their own thoughts, and guiding them away from their irrationality is crucial. By understanding and applying this process, you can assist yourself and become equipped to support them.

They need you! You need to challenge the thought process and teach them to correct themselves.

Change the irrational into rational.

Be a good example!

Lifelong Learning

 Lifelong Learning 

By

Antonis Antoniou 

Lifelong learning encompasses a continuous journey of personal and professional development that extends far beyond formal education. It represents an active commitment to acquiring knowledge, skills, and adaptability throughout one's life. This approach fosters continuous growth, innovation, and resilience, empowering individuals to navigate evolving landscapes and embrace new perspectives. Beyond professional gains, lifelong learning enriches lives by deepening understanding and fostering creativity, ultimately contributing to a sense of fulfillment. Embracing lifelong learning is not just about acquiring expertise; it's about celebrating curiosity and the joy of discovery throughout life's journey.

In a recent educational pursuit in the States, I attended a seminar focused on the therapeutic use of linguistics across different age groups. While my expectations were high, I left somewhat disappointed. However, an intriguing lecture titled "Walk Into Your Purpose" by Donessa Williams caught my attention, leading me to explore coaching and counseling design. The subsequent day, I embarked on my primary course at the Rational Institute of New York. Before delving into the details of this experience, I must share a couple of striking observations that prompted me to reassess my perceptions. Following Albert Ellis's passing, the Rational Institute relocated from the prestigious Upper West Side to Lexington Avenue and 23rd Street. The grand staircase and expansive libraries were replaced by a modest 9th-floor apartment, with even the building's occupants unaware of its significance. This shift highlighted the fleeting nature of recognition, with a profound sadness for the diminishing legacy of such a renowned psychologist and cognitive behavior therapist.

Now, regarding the subject matter of my recent training, I received instruction on applying rational therapy with children and adolescents. The course emphasized theoretical foundations, relationship-building, assessment techniques, treatment strategies, and evaluation methods, along with practical advice on engaging with parents. As Albert Ellis once noted, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) can distinctly benefit both children and their parents, although he cautioned against guarantees. This training proved invaluable in addressing the challenges faced by young individuals and families, as well as providing personal insights for my own growth. Indeed, lifelong learning is synonymous with lifelong growth!

Keep growing!

The Timeless Value of Lifelong Friendships is Rare

 The Timeless Value of Lifelong Friendships is Rare 

By

Antonis Antoniou 

The enduring value of lifelong friendships is quite rare. Working closely with people of all ages, I’ve come to understand the diversity of needs, values, and perceptions individuals possess about life and relationships. Each interaction is unique, and I make a point never to assume otherwise—it’s not a guessing game. Over the years, I’ve encountered people who share similar values and ideas, as well as those who take separate paths, make different choices, and pursue distinct goals. And that’s perfectly okay; we all shape and define ourselves as we see fit.

In today’s fast-paced world, where connections often come and go quickly, there exists a special group of individuals who truly appreciate friendships that stand the test of time—friendships that endure even when decades pass without contact. These individuals understand the essence of companionship, going beyond physical presence and defying the constraints of time.

What sets these people apart is their steadfast commitment to the relationships they’ve nurtured over the years. For them, friendship isn’t just convenient or fleeting; it’s a deep, enriching bond that shapes their lives in profound ways. They value the shared experiences, challenges, and joys that form the bedrock of enduring relationships.

These are the people who hold onto memories of laughter, shared secrets, and meaningful conversations, cherishing the assurance that a true friend will always be there—a constant source of warmth and familiarity in a changing world. They’ve seen you at your lowest and know your struggles and worth. You have seen them too. 

The authenticity and mutual understanding that characterize these friendships are what make them truly special. Time doesn’t weaken these bonds; it strengthens them, like fine wine aging gracefully. Reuniting after decades can feel like picking up right where you left off, effortlessly reconnecting as if no time has passed.

I experienced this first-hand when today I reunited with a friend and former roommate after nearly three decades. The same smile, the warm welcome, and the conversation resumed where it left off so many years ago.

In a society often dominated by superficial interactions, those who cherish enduring friendships recognize their profound impact on well-being. These connections provide a sense of continuity, anchoring individuals in their past while offering support and companionship in the present.

The secret to maintaining these lifelong friendships lies in appreciating each other’s individual journeys—even when those paths diverge significantly. These friends understand that life’s demands can lead to different destinations, yet the core of their friendship remains unwavering. Distance and time become insignificant in the face of genuine connection.

In a world of fleeting trends and transient relationships, those who value enduring friendships remind us of the enduring power of human connection. They embody loyalty, empathy, and the beauty of shared history—a testament to the profound richness that true friendship can bring to our lives.

To those who hold dear friendships that have spanned decades, your commitment to preserving these invaluable bonds is more than commendable; it reflects the enduring spirit of human connection. Let us all learn from these examples and nurture the friendships that truly enrich our lives, regardless of the passage of time.

Remember, amidst it all, a simple coffee and a warm hug can mean everything. After all, we only live one life—let’s never forget that. Never deny a friendly request to meet a friend, a true friend. 

Rediscovering New York: A Journey of Emotions and Memories

 Rediscovering New York: A Journey of Emotions and Memories

By Antonis Antoniou

Starting the day with a coffee to go and a half-hour commute is the perfect beginning. Uptown feels inviting with its pleasant weather and my good mood. Walking up from Fifth Avenue, you can understand why even kings might feel humble in this city. The luxury of the shops, the positive energy, and the bustling city sounds keep you alert and engaged with your surroundings.

Arriving at Columbus Circle, I see Trump Plaza on my left, almost guarding Central Park, which offers a peaceful contrast to the city's noise. From the city's chaos to the park's tranquility, the shift in atmosphere—from fast cars and yellow taxis to dogs and bikes—creates a unique experience. The sight of luxurious hotels juxtaposed with homeless individuals on park benches adds depth to the city's narrative.

To add more depth to my day's experiences, I hop on a train and head downtown. South Ferry takes me to Staten Island, offering stunning views of Lower Manhattan, the Brooklyn Bridge, the Verrazano Bridge, and the Statue of Liberty. It's a moment where, despite living here for some time, I feel like a tourist in my own city.

Returning from the cruise, I stroll along the port, taking in the Brooklyn Bridge view and soaking up the vibes of Wall Street Plaza. My wanderlust leads me to The Village and then Soho—a place that triggers memories of my youthful days filled with music, fashion, and lively street parties.

A burger in pita bread, a cold beer, and trendy music wrap up my day perfectly, but my adventurous spirit prompts me to take the N train to Queens. My life in the States was divided between New York and New Jersey, and today, New York is my focus. I stop at Astoria Boulevard, turning left onto a dead-end street on the 29th. Walking slowly, memories flood back—the last place I stayed in New York, evoking both happy and sad moments, bringing tears to my eyes. It's a reminder of my youth.

Reflecting on my day, it's not the iconic sights that stick with me but a humble street corner on Astoria Boulevard. This experience stirs powerful emotions. Although I won't visit my house in New Jersey this time, I know it holds my happiest memories in the States.

What's the lesson here? Words evoke feelings and images; places evoke emotions. Don't just see places for what they are; feel the emotions they inspire in your heart. Embrace those hidden emotions, release them, and let them flow. Embrace who you were and who you've become—it's a liberating experience!

P.S. They say New York has bad coffee, but I disagree. I've always loved coffee here—it tastes just as good as I remember!

A Day in Manhattan

 A Day in Manhattan

By

Antonis Antoniou

A day is merely a segment of time—twenty-four hours to be exact. How we choose to fill those hours defines our experiences. Today, I had the opportunity to spend an entire day in Manhattan, New York, the beating heart of the renowned city.

The morning began with a routine bus ride into the city, or so I thought. A minor road repair turned into a comedic debacle as our bus struggled to navigate through. Eventually, after a series of attempts and involving the police, we switched to another bus—a chaotic start to what would become an unforgettable day.

Entering Manhattan via the lengthy Lincoln Tunnel, I emerged into the brilliance of Times Square, Grand Central, Fifth Avenue, and Broadway. Opting for a walk instead of the subway, I covered a remarkable sixteen kilometres by day’s end, capturing the essence of the city through my lens and senses.

From savoring Ben’s Pizza in Greenwich Village to experiencing the haunting Memorial Centre and finding solace at St. Nicholas Church, each moment was a revelation—a spiritual and mental feast amidst towering skyscrapers.

A riverside stroll along the Hudson River offered a raw perspective of New York’s bustling waterways, where choppers soared above and boats weaved through. The distant Brooklyn Bridge and the Statue of Liberty stood as iconic backdrops, symbols of freedom in the city that never sleeps.

Taking respite at a Tribeca café, I observed the city’s diversity—a blend of trendy urbanites and the quietly struggling. Amidst slow service and mixed-up orders, there was always a smile—a reflection of life’s unpredictability in the metropolis.

Reflecting on this whirlwind of experiences, I mused on the contrasts of life coaching and therapy—both potential takeaways from a single day in the city. A day, after all, is just that—a fleeting moment in time, yet capable of profound impact.