Boundaries: The Fortress of Safety and Learning

 Boundaries: The Fortress of Safety and Learning

by
Antonis Antoniou

“There is no more genuine expression of love than setting boundaries.”

A Chaotic Landscape: Destruction as a Cry for Attention

They did not come to steal—they came to destroy. The computers, projectors, and speakers—tools of knowledge and creation—were transformed into shapeless masses, hurled from the heights of the school building. The desks and chairs, silent companions of every lesson and refuges that offered safety and order, were violently displaced. They did not ascend to the "heavens of knowledge" but were thrown out of the classroom, as if their very souls could not bear the shadow of learning.

A simple “why?” is not enough to explain such actions. Yet, in adolescence, there is an unwritten rule: “I act; therefore, I exist—and if no one sees me, it’s as if it never happened.” The pursuit of recognition often leads to self-destructive acts, which, however, do not remain hidden. Masks fall, rumors spread, and the guilty are eventually forced to answer. But the question remains: Where were the boundaries that could have prevented this outburst of despair?

Home and School: Borders Without Guards?

School has rules and consequences. But what about at home? Many parents face the most painful path: teaching their children that every choice carries corresponding consequences. The difficulty lies in three sources:

1. The belief that the child is always innocent, leading to excuses and covering up their actions.
2. The fear of conflict, which makes many avoid enforcing measures.
3. The lack of time and patience, as consistent discipline requires effort, not just a "quick punishment" followed by affection and a three-course meal.

Yet, as an old saying goes: “If you don’t correct them when they’re small, you won’t be able to fix them when they grow up.”

Consistency: The Key to Education

The most effective parents are not those who punish in anger, but those who impose consequences with consistency. Through this steadiness, Children are learning that:

• Actions have results—whether positive (for responsible choices) or unpleasant (for careless ones).
• Boundaries are not punishment but protection. Like a fence, they do not sadden the child but keep them away from danger.
• Inconsistency creates confusion. If parents constantly change the rules, children lose their sense of justice and security.

Consequences in the Real World

In life, our choices have direct consequences:

• If we run a red light, we pay a fine.
• If we neglect our responsibilities, we lose opportunities.
• If we act irresponsibly, we may hurt others or even ourselves.

The family is the first "workshop" where children learn these rules. If they don’t trust it there, how will they face the outside world?

The Challenge for Parents: To Be Firm Without Losing Love

In an era full of technological distractions and social pressures, setting boundaries becomes even more critical. Parents must:

• Communicate their expectations, without threats, but also concessions.
• Maintain trust, showing that punishment is not revenge but the natural result of an action.
• Collaborate with their children as a team with a common goal: to raise responsible individuals.

The Final Message: Love with Boundaries

Setting boundaries is not a sign of harshness but an expression of love. Just as a garden needs a fence to flourish, children need boundaries to grow.

Through stability, communication, and love, families can become the safe harbor that prepares young people for life’s storms. And that, ultimately, is the most important lesson we can offer them.

“Children don’t need perfect parents—they need parents who love them enough to show them the right path.”